when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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