I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
