how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
