my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
