Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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