It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
