so that wasnt chicken after all
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
