cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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