well you can't waste a boner
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
