Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
