Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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