This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
