Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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