My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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