he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
