He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
