What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
