I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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