the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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