is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
