what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
