i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
