the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
