No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
