I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
