drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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