And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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