i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize