You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
