He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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