zippers are such a cool invention
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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