this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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