Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
