If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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