You surviving the open bar?
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When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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