I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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