Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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