he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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