it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
