Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
