Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
