im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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