i need an iv and a liver transplant
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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