Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
