when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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