I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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