marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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