You just made me feel so damn special
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
