He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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