all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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