You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize