I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
