I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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