I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
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No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
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in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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