i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
