Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
