ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
