I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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