Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
