the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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