just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
