So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
