i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
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If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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