I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
