in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
