Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
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just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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