listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
