My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
